When I was a child, my mother had a phrase she used when I was faced with having to do something unpleasant, scary, or uncomfortable: “You can stand anything for _________.” The blank space would be filled in with whatever grin-and-bear-it time period I was facing. At the doctor’s office, anticipating a painful shot: “This shot will hurt but it will be quick. You can stand anything for 10 seconds.” At a boring dinner party with weird food and with no kids my age to play with: “Just sit up straight and eat at least one bite of everything on your plate. You can stand anything for 3 hours.” As I got older, the lengths of time in the formula got longer and more egregious. When I was a teenager, she said “I know you are unhappy at this high school, but you’ll be finished before you know it. You can stand anything for four years.” That was when I officially rejected her formula, and graduated early. It turns out, 3 years was my limit!
In navigating my career, I have used my mother’s tone with myself many times.
“This is what I have to do to get my foot in the door. Once I get the door open, it will be easier.”
“This job doesn’t pay enough, but if I make a good impression, the next one will.”
“Learning this role with such short notice is tough, but if I can pull it off it will launch my career.”
Maybe the formula is slightly different, but the sentiment is the same: be uncomfortable now, and know that soon things will be better. It will all be worth it in the end. “I can stand anything for ______________.”
Do you have these kinds of conversations with yourself, too?
Through much trial and error, I have learned that sacrifices for my career should be strategic and temporary, not routine and chronic. I cannot give until I am empty. I must recognize and respect my limits, just like I did in high school. Prioritizing the things that keep me sane and happy in my body actually makes me a better singer, and a better human. It gives me the resilience to keep making art.
Let’s talk: How do you talk to yourself about the sacrifices you make?
Photo: Xavier Turpain from Pixabay
