Barbara and Mary Elizabeth talk about change and connections.
Barbara and I had a wonderful and wide-ranging conversation this week. We covered many things that we’d like to share over time, and hear your thoughts on. In this blog post, I’m going to share a little snippet about connections, and how they change over time. Barbara and I were specifically talking about artistic connections that shift (or die) when the administration changes in a theater, and I think Barbara’s insights are helpful on a personal level, too. Let us know what you think.
M.E.: If you feel dissatisfied with your tribe or if you feel like your tribe is depleted because of people leaving or retiring or moving on or changing, how do you replenish your tribe? How do you find people to help you to guarantee your raison d’être?
Barbara: That’s a good question. No one can guarantee your raison d’être besides you. You can find supportive environments, you can find like-minded people, I think. And actually, we all know where our people are, basically…we recognize like-minded people quite easily.
M.E.: I think sometimes it’s harder to find them, though, especially when you’re going through a life change. Because, I mean, I think about my own life. I don’t know if this is true for you, but in different chapters of my life, the kind of people I needed around me changed.
Barbara: Yeah, absolutely.
M.E.: There were people who were wonderful at one period, but maybe at another time in my life, they’re perhaps not equipped to support me with the kind of thinking and reasoning…and goal-setting that I want to do in that particular chapter.
Barbara: Yeah. I think it’s a question of how do you look at people around you? Do they all have to serve your raison d’être ? Do they have to have “a function” like that at all ? Or maybe do their roles change? I think it is more about presence! Does their presence in your life and your presence in theirs feel mutually supportive, nourishing and good? At some point, they might be essential for your development, and at another they get to be a cherished part of your evolution or maybe they just applaud you on whatever the trajectory you have.
The key is: It always comes back to yourself, and being clear about what you need, who you are, what your aspirations are – and staying connected to that. You go from there into the world, not the other way around. Not each and every relationship is a transaction; ideally it is a give and take, with a trajectory and balance over time. Sometimes you give more, sometimes it ends – and that’s ok too. And there might be mourning involved. Like you said, regarding the company you’re not working with anymore…there’s sadness about this, and it’s completely okay. But it’s not because they are not hiring you. It’s because things evolve and change naturally. I think it’s a more general grief about mourning the change.
Image by Zhu Bing from Pixabay
